Life

Today is my day off for the week. Its gloomy and raining outside so I sit here on the couch with Hulk cuddling up feeling little miss swim and twist around in my belly. Its a day that I cant help but reflect on my life and the lives of those around me. I have never been perfect. I have had many ups and downs in my life and I would like to think I have traveled the road less traveled. Which is why I am the way I am today. Life has never been easy. I have faced many challenges and battles from those within myself to those in the outside world. On a day like today I cant help but think about what Babies life is going to be like. I cant help but question how hard it will be to raise a child in Today's society with all the pressures that surround everyday life. How can you prevent and protect your children from the hurt and heartache you have experienced and how can you ensure they feel the happiness and joy that you have endured in other times of your life. It is an overwhelming responsibility to know that you are responsible for this person inside of you. Tyler and I are the ones who will shape her future and guide her to be the women she will grow up to be. The biggest question is How? There are good books on what to expect when your expecting and the first years of life..but where in those books does it tell you the right way to raise your child, how is the best way to set your child up for a successful happy future? Well the truth is there are no answers, there is no manual and if there was then we wouldn't all be the unique individuals that we are today. I have sat her most of the morning thinking about life. The conclusion I have come to is that no matter how hard we try and how good we are at being parents and role models our children will develop there own sense and follow there own paths just as we have. In some cases it turns out for the best and others the worst. It doesn't matter how much money we have, or if we can be stay at home parents. I think the only thing we can do is try the hardest and be the best parents that we can be. If we know we have done our best and guided them as far as we know then have to have faith and leave the rest up to the path that life has chosen for them. I know it sounds so trivial and so much easier than it will actually be. I can confidently say that I am up for the challenge and I have learned from the best. Tyler and I are excited to explore the journey of parenthood and learn things that we never even knew possible.

Today I can confidently say that I am proud of who I have become. My parents helped me become an individual. They may not have been prepared or planned for the challenges that they had to help me face and  nothing they could have said or done would have changed these challenges from being presented. But when the day came that they knew they had a daughter with an eating disorder they didn't turn there backs on me they helped me walk through the challenge, helped my conquer it head on. As hard as that challenge was in my life, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it for anything because little did we know at the time, but it shaped me into the adult that I became and taught me lessons about love and life that I would have never had without it. I am me. My only hope is that one day my daughter will be able to grow up and say the same things.